Eye opening for the truth. How I really feel…

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Have you ever just wondered? Have you ever noticed how certain subjects just keep coming back and back and back? Well, I’ve learned, that when those subjects keep repeating, you know it’s getting serious.

Year before last(late 2012) I started half marathon training.

Now lets go back a little bit more, but not much…

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I’d go to a track that I used to walk on with my parents and sometimes others when I was younger. It was just usually me, myself, and my music. Sometimes, deer would be near by. I’d just run, think, and enjoy myself. I’d work my way up to a mile, with a struggle of course, but did it. The miles grew longer and soon I was running outside of the track, again, by myself. I have always been the loner type. Not in a bad way, just who I’ve always been and have appreciated it. I’ve not always, until now. Because I’m okay with running by myself at times.

I ran my first ever race, on July 4, 2012, that was a 4 mile race, in my little hometown.

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I thought it was okay, I did it in 40 mins, which isn’t bad. (gotta love the K-swiss).

I then stepped it up to an 8k(Crazy 8’s) race(5 miles) and the energy all around me officially got me hooked into racing.

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I then decided to try a half marathon through Fleet Feet in August 2012. I got a little to hooked. I was becoming obsessed and it was causing me to get injured. I also did Insanity dvds during the training and the days I was scheduled to run. But I couldn’t stop. I was starting to get an injury here and there on my right leg. It would heal, another new one would come. Then, in Feb. 2013, I was training(or so I thought, for a full) and I decided to go meet a friend in her town and run 16 miles, granted, my right ankle was already causing me to limp. I limped that whole 16 miles and wasn’t going to finish till it was completed. You could say that I was done for and that I was following morning. I was in pain when I turned over in bed, walked on it felt like a broken bone. An X-Ray didn’t help nor did an MRI until later. Sure enough, it was a stress fracture on my fibula. I was out for 6 months almost and cross trained like crazy. I did weights in the morning, pool run during lunch, and biked in the evenings. It was killing me inside though and the doctors, parents, and friends/coworkers had to repeat to me over and over to take care of that ankle. I refused to use crutches after the first few days. I was stubborn as hell heck!

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After I was healed, I came back stronger than ever and PRed 2-3 races in ONE month! By the grace of God, support, and cross training like crazy.

Now, even though after that, I’m still having pains here and there and it really does hurt me physically/emotionally/mentally. Running is who I am, running is my escape, running is my love.

I don’t even want to see all my medical bills put together with all my injuries. I LOVE cross training too.

I was born from a family that is stubborn and I am VERY stubborn. I love to push myself to the point of breaking, yes, I know it’s stupid, but, it’s just who I am. It’s what was put into me before I was born. Physical challenges is my specialty. I’m not the quickest runner, but I’ll go and go and go until my heart would give way probably. I love the rush, the endurance, the challenge, the excitement, etc. But, I’m breaking inside. My legs don’t feel like they used to when I was running out of enjoyment.

My medals that I see, each have a story of their own. My next BIG one is my first full marathon, God willing. But, after that, I’m probably going to retire from the training plans, set my goal races to the side, and take a step back. Half marathons will still probably be in my future and who knows, I’d LOVE to run an ultra someday, God willing and if my body will accept it.

Running is meant for everyone, under certain circumstances. We’re all different. Different pace. Different race to love. People love 5ks, some love 8ks, some love 10ks, some love half marathons, full marathons, ultras, etc. But me, I just want to go back to where I was before.

I will run races again perhaps, but after my first full marathon race, I’ll be on a different journey, a journey to find the freedom and love I once had in running. The feeling of new legs every time I step foot into my new running shoes, the “no planned mileage” run, no injuries, just the way it was before.

Then who knows, a race may call my name again….

Until then, for now, it can wait. I’m in my 20s anyway, no rush, races are all around.

To my running friends reading this though, RUN ON! 🙂

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“Running is about finding yourself. When the clock takes over, you have found nothing. When you have found nothing, a runner is then lost, until the clock stops.”–Me

 

 

 

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